Just the way it is technique

This is just the way it is.

"Just the way it is" technique

  • Usage
    • Basis of all other techniques
    • Most straightforward expression of a mental state
    • Don't be too analytical here
    • It serves a purpose of tension release
    • Makes you familiar with your reactive storyline
    • You will be less surprised next time the story unfolds
    • It keeps track of the emotion although the topic may change
    • Don't expect any solutions here
  • When you feel...
    • Angry
    • Disgusted
    • Surprised
  • Steps
    1. Strike hard at what irritated
    2. Verbalise your emotion until you're fed up with it
    3. Take a break, do some deep breathing
    4. Repeat until a clear topic emerges
  • Example
    • What a stupid asshole! I told him! Thousand times! I can't believe he just did it again! Damn it! I'm so pissed!!! You crazy stupid asshole! I cannot even... Your stupid face! Get the hell out of here! I'm done with it! Go! Go and piss your ass! (And you're like fuming) I'm fuming! (And you feel your heart pounds) My heart is freaking pounding. (You're so tired of it) I'm just so tired of it.

      (Let's say you are fed up with it here, you're at step 5. In the introspective process you are at step 2. You acknowledged the situation. Let's say you're still angry. Now there is the uncomfortable moment, the effort. And it may be still impossible for you to jump into reasoning now, you got to be honest with yourself here. You don't want to fake awareness, that will not work. If you still need to let out some steam then keep on going. Be harsh, nobody's getting hurt, it's just you and paper. But if you're really tired of being angry by now then try to describe what actually happened, find the topic. Go back to it and if emotions take over, just write them down.)

      Such a jerk. I told him not to park this stupid car there. Again we got a fine! But no, hell no, that's not what pissed me off the most. It's this stupid behaviour of his when he doesn't freaking care at all. That's third time this month! That costs money! You asshole!
  • Outcome
    • Slowly the topic comes between the lines
    • In this case it can be either home-budget or someone's carelessness
    • The newly found topic can be tackled by another technique
    • The anger is expressed and now it goes down
    • Bravo! It was not sprayed into somebody's face but dealt with in a hygienic way
    • It also didn't get swept under the carpet, great!
    • It helps to slowly build control over surprising emotional outbursts